I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
