my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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