Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
