He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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