Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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