It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
