i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
