Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
