So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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