she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
