I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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