my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
