I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
