I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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