"it" just moved
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
