I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
