u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
