nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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