Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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