My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
