I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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