Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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