dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
