I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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