Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
