You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
