We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
