I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
