Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
