OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
