allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
