Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
