someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
