Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
