we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
