She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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