just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
