Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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