Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
