Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
