don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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