You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
