I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
