I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
