I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
