Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
