I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
