I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
