And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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