No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
