I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
